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Let’s talk about the bigger picture.

There are a lot of people in my tiny little circle. Ok that’s already a contradiction in and of itself. My tiny little circle, which is tiny, and I like it tiny, and I keep it tiny on purpose, for a reason. But, of this little circle, I’m starting to sense that the majority of us are just hovering, barely hanging on to this side of “Not crazy”. Some of us like to call it a ledge. We often will text each other and say, “Ledge!!!!!” Which means, “You need to call me right now, and tell me if I’m crazy, or tell me if I’m completely in my rational, sane mind”.

I fully welcome one of the 3 people who I would text this to, to call me and say, “You are out of your mind, not cool.” And I’ll take that and I’ll listen to why they think that, and I’ll apply it. I’ll consider it. But I’m starting to think that all of us are hovering, just hovering on the loony bin. Our ledge has collectively molded into one, and is standing over this 1,000 foot drop…

Into a padded cell.

We have stocked our community padded cell with various accoutrement. Some of us have vodka. Some of us have whiskey, that’s the latest one. Some of us have books and wine. Some of us have music to just, blissfully coast through the rest of eternity. Usually we are able to pull each other back from that ledge. Back from a full sprint into the free fall of insanity off our ledge. We are able to talk each other down. Be positive, find the light. Turn a situation around so that it is not as bad as we think it is. And lately, I’m starting to see that, we’re having a hard time looking at the bigger picture. Because the bigger picture is terrifying.

To pull back and look at it all in one giant swoop, is just

Terrifying.

I think all of us are hiding in the day-to-day, minute to minute, hour to hour stuff that we have to do to manage the current crisis. Because if we pulled back and looked at it in a bigger scope, I think it would be overwhelming. I think it would overwhelm each one of us on a different level because we’ve all got a different weird big picture to look at. None of ours are the same, but it would overwhelm us. I think it would cripple me. If I looked at it all, if I looked at everything. From work, two years from now. To school. To Bacon and all of his growth and growth that still needs to happen. To my own work that I need to do on myself. To Peanut and the possibility of things that we do now corrupting the innocence she has later. Things that she may hold onto subconsciously that we don’t even know she’s holding onto. Things we don’t even know we’ve said. Things that her mom has said. We have no idea how to combat it. And the idea of stepping back, and looking at all of it and thinking, maybe if I look at it in the bigger picture I can constructively form a plan and I can make a spreadsheet, and I can figure this out. We can do this! I think it would cripple me if I stepped back, and really looked at it.

So where does that fear come from? That’s the question. Does it come from the way we were raised? Were we raised to live minute by minute? Do we have parents or parental figures in our lives that just keep going? Just keep going keep going keep going. They never necessarily, I’m not saying they don’t make a plan, but they’re constantly reacting and doing damage control. And what is damage control when you really think about it? Damage control is spinning whatever just happened, or blew up in your face, into a positive direction. Using it positively. Finding a way to work within the boundaries of that bomb that just went off in your life. Finding a way to adapt. Isn’t that truly what damage control is? Because you can’t take back the past, nobody can take it back. But isn’t that essentially at the root core of it, what damage control is about: finding a way to adapt to the things you can’t control. And really, at the end of the day, control is an allusion we invented to bring ourselves peace. We don’t really have control over anything other than ourselves (And I’m not too certain about the consistency). So maybe when there are fires surrounding us, and too many crisis to manage, maybe we look at all the “damage control” differently. Maybe instead of hitting the panic button, and throwing ourselves willingly off the ledge, maybe we starting looking at all these fires as God or mother Nature or the universe’s challenge: You were built to adapt. You were made to not only survive, but thrive. And today is just another day to prove it.

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